Amazing Glorious Golden Spork

Currently listed on eBay - [link]
--------------- (taken from the eBay description, which has two more photos, which I reference here)-----------------
Look at it gleam. Look at it sparkle in the sunlight. Witness the care with which this glorious piece of golden cultlery was crafted. It deserves a place of honor upon a mantelpiece, above a flickering fire in a traveller's inn, perhaps. The kind of inn with a fat dragon carved on the wooden sign that hangs above the door.

See how beautiful it looks, cradled by a loving gargoyle? No, you can't have the gargoyle or fur.

Observe the gryphon, classical hoarder of gold! I had to wrench the Prized Spork from his razor-sharp beak! I risked life and limb to obtain the Revered Spork of Goldenitude! No, you can't have the gryphon, either. Besides, he shreds couch corners. I'm thinking of having him declawed.

<~*~> <~*~> <~*~> <~*~> <~*~> <~*~> <~*~> <~*~> <~*~> <~*~> <~*~>

This spork was lovingly handcrafted from the hardiest of plastic, the richest golden acrylic paints, the most sparkling and vibrant stones of rhine. It traveled from the Ancient Bell of the Taco in Yonder lands of Wisconsin, to the glamourus wilds of South Californ, to the tree-lord-ruled scapes of Tennessee and Virginia, and then stored lovingly for ten years in careful isolation, in a process referred to by my husband as, "Get rid of that stupid thing." Oh, how the ignorant refuse to see its beauty! Won't someone give this fantastic Spork of Legend a loving home?